How to Change Your Inner Map for a Better Marriage
The story you tell yourself will make or break your marriage.
Much of what you experience as reality is filtered through the narratives you tell yourself about your past. These stories define how you respond to and interact with your spouse.
If you’ve ever gone through therapy, you’ve learned about the importance of your life story and how it impacts your present. Unfortunately, however, people neglect to learn from their past in a way that they can drop the pain while keeping the memory.
Your brain is actively mapping your reality.
But perception isn’t always reality.
By taking control of the stories you tell yourself, you actively rewrite the map… and therefore reality.
How you experience your marriage is about to change forever.
The Power of Perspective
“Perception is not reality, it is just our tiny experience of reality, which is something that is very limited and flawed.” — Gavin Nascimento.
Did you know that of all the thousands of flat maps of the world, none of them are accurate?
It’s simply impossible to take a three-dimensional space and accurately put it on a two-dimensional paper.
Maps are useful although flawed
And they are not the territory.
The same is true with the mental map of your marriage. That map tells you what to expect, how your relationship functions, and how to respond in a given situation. It’s like an internal rulebook that guides your actions and decisions.
However, the map is not the territory.
And your map needs to evolve.
The Influence of Our Stories
“Perception is real, even when it is not reality.” — Edward de Bono
The stories you tell yourself about your marriage will either make you feel more in love or less in love.
They can empower you, or deflate you. And the feelings you get change how you show up in your marriage.
If you’re stuck in an outdated story, unable to feel confident in your relationship because of the stories of the past, it may be that you need to change your story.
The past is for learning.
And a disempowering story from your past simply means that you haven’t learned what you need to learn to drop the pain and keep the lesson.
Seeing your past from a more empowering angle will change how you map your marriage.
Rewriting Your Script
“You get to decide what’s important from your past to bring along to your future.” — Dan Sullivan
The process of changing your personal story requires introspection and deep work.
First, you need to identify the stories you tell yourself that are holding you back.
Then, you need to learn from those experiences in a way that changes your story for the better.
On your own, you do this naturally over the course of years and decades.
With a journal, you can go faster.
With an NLP practitioner, I’ve seen this happen in a single session.
Your thoughts shape your feelings.
Your feelings shape your behavior.
And your behavior gets you results.
To show up as your best self in your marriage, you need to update your map.
Breaking the Cycle
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins
Some people seem to have a charmed life while others are riddled with misfortune.
It’s not just luck; it’s their inner map.
Sure, bad things and good things happen to everyone. But with the right map, you can turn the bleakest of circumstances into fertile ground for progress.
Where some see misfortune, others see opportunity.
Where some see faults in their spouse, others recognize the strength within the fault.
Where some try to parent or baby their spouse, others try to learn from them.
Changing your map changes your reality.
Conclusion
“Knowing is not enough, you must take action.” — Tony Robbins
Your inner map, your personal story, can make or break your life.
But, here’s the thing, you are not just an actor on the stage. You are an author.
By changing your map, you can experience a more fulfilling, empowered life and build a stronger, healthier marriage.
You’ve got this.
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Click Here for Your FREE Guide “13 Things to ‘Let Go’ to Stop Resenting Your Spouse.”
