How to Create a Blueprint for Your Marriage Success
“Where do ‘good marriages’ come from?
“Where do ‘good marriages’ come from? They don’t spring full-blown from the head of Zeus. It’s the highest, holiest, culminating promise that you make. Yet some people spend less time working on their marriage than they spend working on their [car].” — Jeffrey R. Holland
Marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a shared journey that promises growth, connection, and lifelong fulfillment.
Just like two master chefs whipping up an exciting dish, you and your partner have the power to create a lifelong recipe that’s the secret sauce to your marital adventure.
Let’s dive into the art of creating a shared vision that will be the North Star for your relationship.
Step 1: Change Your Environment
“Once a person realizes that they can control their environment, then they actually have the power to change.” — Dr. Benjamin Hardy
Before painting a picture of your future together, you need to prepare the canvas. That means literally and figuratively stepping away from the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.
Your mind is constantly wrapped up in a whirlwind of to-do’s and responsibilities tied to your environment.
To step away from that whirlwind of thought, step away from your physical environment.
I took my wife out to Red Lobster early in our marriage. We brought a large posterboard and colorful markers. Yes, we looked ridiculous. And YES, we had a blast envisioning our future.
Another time, we went to a romantic extravagant hotel and planned together after an evening of adventure and fun.
Step 2: Capitalize on Emotion
“Your thoughts drive your emotions. Your emotions drive your actions. Your actions drive your results.” — Weldon Long
Some people try to plan for the future when they’re feeling all riled up inside. Stupid.
Rather than ignoring your emotions, capitalize on them.
This can be simple.
A few deep breaths can nourish your body and calm your mind.
Trying something new — even a new type of sushi for dinner — can help you feel more adventurous.
Going for a run can clear your mind and help you feel healthy.
Looking through old photos of your dating life together can help you feel more romantic and fun.
Closing your eyes and savoring an expensive treat can help you feel wealthy regardless of your current finances.
The more you feel these things now, the easier it will be to envision them in your future.
At the heart of every enduring vision lie shared values — the pillars upon which your partnership stands strong.
Step 3: Ask This One Question.
“Remmeber, people don’t really want answers. They want powerful questions that allow them to discover their own answers.” — Dan Sullivan
Now, you're ready for the fun part.
Early in his career, Dan Sullivan, the founder of Strategic Coach created what he calls the R-Factor Question.
“R-Factor” because it not only helps you envision your future, but it helps you establish a relationship of trust.
Here’s the question.
“If we were having this discussion three years from today, and you were to look back over those three years to today, what has to have happened in your relationship and life together for you to feel completely satisfied with your progress”
Ask this question, then separately write down everything that comes to your mind. Don’t talk for 3–4 minutes, just write.
Write about your goals, your insights, and your desires.
Once you’ve both finished writing, take turns and share your visions for the future.
Listen as they share their goals, their insights, and their desires.
You may find that your spouse is more aligned with you than you think!
You may hear things that your spouse says that will become important to you as well.
And you may fall a little more head over heels for them as you hear about what they want and care about the most.
Conclusion.
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” — Proverbs 29:18
Creating a lifelong vision isn’t just about here and now; it’s about the awesome story that you’ll pass down to your children and grandchildren.
In certain aspects, they will be able to connect with their spouse when they get older to the degree that you connect with yours.
They deserve to see you and your spouse at its best: the happiest, most romantic, adventurous, and committed of yourselves.
Remember, fantastic marriages aren’t conjured out of thin air; they’re crafted.
And you craft them by actively envisioning a brighter future together.
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